I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm just crazy horny about you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
