Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
