you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We're too hungover to prance.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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