the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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