i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We're too hungover to prance.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
