I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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