Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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