I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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