Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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