I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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