well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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