her vagine was all disorganized.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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