ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
