my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
