apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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