I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am midnight drunk by noon
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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