you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
