Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
