Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
