Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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