I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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