I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
