Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
