if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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