Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
