thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
