I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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