How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
