If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
