worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
