I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
