Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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