Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
