Moan for me like Helen Keller
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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