so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
