instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
