...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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