I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
