so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
