I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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