I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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