I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
