Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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