We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
