When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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