Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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