Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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