I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
