I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
