Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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