Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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