it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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