I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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