Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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