I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
