at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
BRING THE BAGELS
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
