dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
