She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
