Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
