Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
