I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
