The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
