Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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