just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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