My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
