hotel room ftw
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
