Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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