you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
