Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
