I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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