I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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