i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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