if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
