The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
