I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
