Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize