I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
