she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
