There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
